I guess I have found a good answer to an endless annoying question that’s always being asked innocently with no intent to harm at all. I was there sitting in front of my colleague, Sean while he asked me teasingly, “So, May. When are you gonna get married?” I was there busy eating dim sums and this was a treat from the hotel during my last visit to Phnom Penh, Cambodia. And I think having a good food for free is more important than answering his question. Not to mention to think about the answer. But I didn’t know that my tongue could be lethal too when I blurted out, “I’m not that talented.”
I think my quick response was the effect of the fine Chinese food and Argentinian red wine had on me because I was not always clever enough to come up with the right answer. Usually I stared at them as if they’re so stupid asking that kind of question that they mistakenly took as “It’s none of your business, a****e.”
But instead of crying or wondering why I’m not so talented at one field, I’d rather go out and honing what I think I’m good at. As an elder with one sister and one brother, I learnt since I was a little how to keep ahead of them, and that’s because I realized I wouldn’t be able to compete with them in the area that I know I would never win. So why wouldn’t I pick my own battle?
The same thing applied on my others part of life, but it could be a backfire when you don’t know who is you’re dealing with. I’ve always known that I could be pretty spontaneous. Act first then think later inclination is driven by the consciousness that time won’t be on my side. Testing the waters takes too much time, I’ve jumped off into hot water and got burnt for so many times. Regrets? Never. It always worth it with the risk since you can never buy an experience. You just have to trade it with your youth.
And so I was there, trying to be a good observer when someone came and suddenly “You can talk to me” neon sign turned on above my head. I might look like stupid or plain crazy for him when he asked me, “Why did you come to me?” I said, “I don’t know. I just got the feeling that I should.” Much later on, he mistakenly took my intention as something sexual which was not at all, and he fled. I know I could be very charming with everybody just to prove myself I’m mysteriously irresistible (and then the narcissistic in me would quickly fall in love with myself ), but it doesn’t mean I wanted to f*** him. Later on, I found out the reason why. The 15 years old teenager has bipolar and the sensitive side of me pushed me to say, “I know it’s really hard for you” by coming to him. A bull in a China shop, I realized this boy needed a professional care. My action worked faster than my brain to formulate and make sense what really happened. If only my tongue was as fast as when Sean asked me, “May, when are you gonna get married?”