It’s hard to keep a bad news and it’s even harder to keep a good news. When your eyes are glittering, you can’t stop smiling to yourself and you start to hallucinate that everything was meant to be. I wish I could tell you what’s going on without risking myself to be seen like crazy.
But as crazy as it might seem and how absurd it is, unfortunately it’s not more than a hyper-reality that I use to trick myself to make-believe that it is real. I know I’m smart but I have to outsmart myself (I’ve always been my own enemy) so that I believe what I’m seeing is real although actually it is not.
But if the manifestation is only a fine line between what’s real and what’s not, what if I deceive myself consciously that this hyper-reality is real until the reality itself comes in form and enjoying a cognitive disorder in the process? Interesting as it might seem, I’m starting to lose the ground to determine if the hyper-reality that I created before is not real at all because now it starts to feel so damn real.
As a control-freak, I won’t be panic when I’m fully aware of what I’m doing. I control myself, my life, the independent variable, you name it. I’m the captain of my own ship and I’m proud of that. I create things that I want to happen in my life, either a good and enjoyable career, a great social life or a bright future. I’m a high achiever and I feel good with that.
But the trouble starts to appear when I decided to create HIM. Like a mad scientist who created Frankenstein, I created an object, someone who will make my head over heels and incredibly it works. Failed to see the potential objections to playing God, I created him in my mind, felt him every second, talked to him whenever I want to and there he is, the Frankenstein, finally replying my thoughts in a such surprising way. The object that previously I created now seems to have his own free will, talk and breathe just like me and he’s no longer the object that I created–he’s his own mind, stirring to alive. And when he keeps saying triumphantly, “I’m alive! I’m alive!” I know I have lost a battle I would never win to something more powerful than I am–Love.
So the next time you see me smiling quietly to myself or walk with happy lighter steps, you’ll know I can no longer hold back a secret. I might not be able to tell you in details, but the tricks do work. My magician has always been right.