My Fickle Friend, The Summer Wind

Who can change his mind anytime he wants beside the summer wind? At one time he decided to go to the west, another second he thought the east was much better. If I want to have something to count on, I certainly won’t take the wind, especially the summer wind. And I can’t count on any word that I said if my heart is somewhere else. I’m sorry, I just can’t help but feel.

…I always believe that the change is something that lasts until the end of time

Since a long time ago I hate to make the choice between two. Standing on the bifurcation point is nothing but the headache. Worse than that, now I’m surrounding with choices and have to pick one. I hate that because I’m afraid that taking one will make me miss another. Wise as I should be, I should have known that I shouldn’t have gone to the candy store if I didn’t want–at the end–to make a choice.

I have this tendency to experience everything simultaneously, quickly and randomly. I want to sample everything that is available to me at one point, afraid that I will miss something else to explore. That opportunity itself is exhilarating to me, making the life more lively, but it will get ugly once the joy cheerful moment ends and the choice has to be made.

The ugly thing is once the choice has been made, I have to give my commitment. And the word commitment almost sounds like dead sentence or at least dead-end to me because when you are tied (forever) with whatever you have chosen, you’ve got no where else to go. Being stuck in a narrow space is a doom for a claustrophobic like me and nothing more frightening than being trapped in something called forever because I always believe that the change is something that lasts until the end of time.

Timo may not be the perfect cat in the world, but he's perfect in every way

More dilemmatic as it’s always be, right now I’m not only on the bifurcation point, but also the romantic side of me perceive that I deserve one whole package, complete with everything I have on my mind. And I know it’s there somewhere. I have seen it once or twice, hoping that it at least takes a notice of me. And I have done everything I can, but what is being offered is less than that. So where did I go wrong?

And it’s not something that impossible because I have felt that before on the day I saw Timo, my cat and I’m dying to feel that feeling ever again. Maybe this is what they call love at first sight. I fell in love instantly when I saw him and I felt the whole thing came to one reason–the reason why I was there and we found each other. He’s not the most perfect cat in the world, but he’s perfect in every way with his unusual spots and if there is one spot missing from him, it’s not Timo. It’s just a cat who looks like Timo, but not really.

So forgive me if I’m fickle. Forgive me if I just want to taste and then flee to another place for another taste. It’s not that I’m not loyal. It’s just my heart is still somewhere else. The adventure in this candy store has been fascinating, but I’m sorry, I just can’t stay much longer.

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  1. Trackback: The End of Rainbow « may's diary of miracles

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